I don’t even hope for happiness. All I hope for is peace of mind and no more of this zero self esteem. It has plummeted so low and I feel like a total failure. I just have to keep writing and I hope my hollow sounding words don’t put you off.
How do you raise your self esteem when you feel so worthless? How do you not measure yourself anymore in terms of society’s norms even though it’s in your face all the time? But most of all, how do I stop this constant worrying and intense anxiety. And fear. I can’t even steady my mind anymore. It’s always wandering off tangent, and I feel like a burden. Wish for the peace I had when my father was still around.
Will have to see a therapist soon, I know, but meanwhile writing helps. Otherwise everything just gets stuck in a bad place.
At this moment I feel like flying off somewhere and losing myself in another country or planet. Even though I am terrified of flying.