So glad I’m done with Chemo but feel a state of flux. My oncologist says it’s a very natural feeling that all her patients go through. Even though you’re happy to leave chemo side effects behind, you strangely felt safe and cocooned while undergoing treatment. Safer in a sense as you felt that there was something attacking and keeping those microscopic cancer cells at bay. Also safe in a sense that you were being monitored.
I now understand why on the first day of my treatment a sweet patient at the end of her treatments approached and told me she actually enjoyed and missed her chemo treatments. I couldn’t understand it then, but I do now.
So when people expect me to be happy it’s over it’s hard to explain these mixed feelings and to seem ungrateful. I know other cancer patients will get it though and that helps.
I know the feeling of elation will come with time as I regain more of my fitness and my old self after I’m done with the next stage – radiotherapy.