Looking Back Again: Recovery After Chemo

Haven’t been here a while…and I feel lost. I don’t know where to begin. I am overwhelmed by the comments section and feel guilty to not have the energy to reply immediately.

Decided to jump into one of the posts I wrote during the low points of chemo in order to truly understand the better place I am at right now.  I put my latest responses in brackets.

1. My hair growing back. I’ll take every bit of fuzz. Plus my eyebrows and eyelashes. (Now I am impatient for the growth to the back to normal and have lost that sense of gratitude but reading back my own words make me realise I have to be patient.)
2. My skin not peeling, & loosing the current discolourations and rashes. (I almost forgot about this – definitely a good thing and I have to remember to be more diligent in applying creams)
3. Gaining back sensation in my fingers which are now numb due to what they call peripheral neuropathy or nerve damage. (forgot about this too and how I worried about it. Am  not sure if I truly got my sensation back or I am just used to the loss of sensation (as my doctor mentioned) but it’s definitely an improvement – a huge improvement)
4. Being able to fully bend down to pick up stuff from the floor without getting dizzy. (oh how I have taken this for granted – it’s great to be able to do simple things myself)
5. Just having the energy to do what my heart desires. Right now my body can’t keep up with what my heart desires. (I am yearning to be more fit but I guess I’ve come a long way)
6. Travel anywhere, even a short trip. (dreaming of cool weather places, new cultures and beaches)
7. Being able to carry and swing my favourite little ones around. (the best thing ever and never thought I’d have the strength back)
8. No more steroids and being famished all the time and gaining weight. (I gained even more weight than I imagined and it’s terribly hard to loose it. This one is truly an uphill and disheartening task)
9. No more bloating from Chemo. (I’ve forgotten what this was like)
10. No more stares from insensitive rude people who see my headgear or bald head when I go out. I need to wear a T shirt saying cancer is not contagious. There are nice folks who are kind and smile at me though and I appreciate it. (I weirdly miss the kind reactions but yes it’s great to be incognito again)
11. No more chemo brain and the ability to concentrate and read more. Writing is not a problem though. (less of a chemo brain but need to work on picking up reading and writing again)
12. No more chemo brain and forgetting things and words. (it’s definitely better)
13. Not having to avoid sick people I care about and am sad to be away from, or worry about my family members in the home falling ill and having to avoid them (which will be very hard) due to my low immunity. Just getting my strong immunity back. (yes, so glad)
14. Having a cocktail like a sangria, with my cousins. Not an alcohol drinker much but now that I can’t, I want to. (don’t crave alcohol anymore as it’s not that great for me anyway. If i do want something a tiny sip is enough)
15. Doing a major declutter and spring clean without worrying about dust and exertion making me ill. (I need to embark on this spring cleaning I mention but am still susceptible to the dust)
16. Being able to swim without worrying about infections as I have a portacath inserted. (haven’t tried swimming yet and the portacath will be in for at least 2 years)

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore helps me survive the mid-life crisis

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8 Responses to Looking Back Again: Recovery After Chemo

  1. Erina says:

    Oh it’s just lovely to see your new post! I’m so happy you feel better, and you let us know that you’re ok. I’ve checked in and always hope I will see you post and now here you are. You’ve had an amazing attitude through this awful experience, so strong and optimistic. Feeling gratitude for the good is strong and wise. You are obviously a person full of these qualities; well done you! I know you’ve inspired others with your story and writing.

    Very best wishes for continuing health and happiness,
    Erina

  2. Julie says:

    Get better soon!

  3. Barb Holmes says:

    Lessons learned lovely. I love the one about bending over to pick something up, without getting dizzy! I remember trying to pull the trash can down to the street, and almost passing out. All the little bitty things, even scooping up a child, that we take for granted on the daily, is no more thanks to this journey. Grateful for every breath. xxx

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